A Friend is Always Loyal
17: 7-28
A proverb is a short and memorable saying designed to be our blueprint for living in the world that ADONAI has created. It is important to note that proverbs are not promises; they are generally true principles, all other things being equal.
Eloquent words are not fitting for a fool; much less are lies fitting for a ruler (17:7 Hebrew). A fool never looks more foolish than when he jabbers at length on matters beyond his understanding, trying to make his words sound so excellent. The sages had a sense of what is right and proper, and this proverb presents two situations where matters are out of kilter. In the first place, a fool has nothing worthwhile to say. For a fool to have an eloquent manner of speaking would only increase the possibility of harm. Nabal in the life of David may be taken as an illustration of the type of person implied (see the commentary on the Life of David Bm – David’s Affront from Nabal).345
A bribe is like a luck charm; whoever gives one will prosper (17:8 NLT). This verse does not encourage bribery, which is condemned in verse 23: The wicked take bribes in secret to pervert the course of justice (also see Exodus 23:8; Deuteronomy 16:19 and 27:25; Proverbs 6:35; Isaiah 1:23 and 5:23; Ezeki’el 22:12; Psalm 15:5; Ecclesiastes 7:7). Verse 8 of chapter 17 is simply speaking from the giver’s perspective: A bribe is like a luck charm. To say bribes are effective (18:16 and 21:14) is not to approve of them; it simply states the reality of life in the world.346
He who conceals an offense promotes love, but he who dwells on it can separate even close friends (17:9 CJB). Love covers many transgressions. Friendship thinks the best of others and overlooks offenses. On the other hand, a person who harps on problems will drive another away, robbing both people of the opportunity to develop a relationship. First Corinthians 13:5 which describes love as not self-seeking . . . not easily angered . . . and keeps no record of wrongs. This proverb probably is not intended to promote the idea that friends will never divide over an offense. It is an observation that can serve as a warning. Don’t keep bringing up the faults of others if you want to enjoy an intimate relationship with that person. The repeating of a transgression may also involve gossip if the story is told to third parties.
A single rebuke does more for a person of understanding than a hundred lashes on the back of a fool (17:10 NLT). The wise listen to criticism, even if it is harsh. This contrasts with the hardheadedness of fools, who mock rather than pay attention to negative comments. Indeed, fools are so hardheaded that even a hundred lashes could not break through and get them to listen and change their wrongminded behavior. This exaggerated language serves the purpose of making fun of fools.
An evil man seeks only rebellion, but a cruel messenger will be sent against him (17:11 ESV). On the basis of the context-sensitive nature of the proverb, it would be wrong to take this statement as condemning all rebellion against authority. The assumption would be that the authority in question is wise and godly. The second colon does make clear that the rebellion envisioned is directed toward an established institution; it assumes that someone can send a messenger to take care of the “problem.” Solomon warns his hearers about the dangers of rebelling against the king (see the Life of Solomon Ct – Frustration: No choice).
It is safer to meet a bear robbed of her cubs than to confront a fool caught in his foolishness (17:12 NLT). The point of comparison is fairly obvious. A bear is dangerous enough, but one that has suffered loss of cubs would be furious and especially dangerous (also see Hosea 13:8, where the angered bear represents Yeshua Himself). But more dangerous is that this is a fool whose stupid decisions will create great harm. The sages often used humorous exaggeration to make a point. This verse would certainly serve as a warning not to associate with foolish people.
If you repay good with evil, evil will never leave your house (17:13 NLT). It is never right to say evil words or do evil things, and to respond to kind words or deeds with evil ones is especially appalling. But what goes around comes around. Those who treat other people with wickedness will find that they and their households will never be far from trouble. Paul takes this more than a step further when he counsels: Never pay back evil for evil to anyone (Romans 12:17 NLT).
Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out (17:14 NLT). The first colon presents a metaphor that implicitly compares the start of a fight to allowing water to escape. Once it starts, it is hard to control and bring the flow to an end. The second colon provides advice based on this observation: Don’t even begin a fight by making an accusation. At the very least the one who confronts another person ought to be willing to pay the price of the trouble that it will begin.
Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent are both are an abomination to ADONAI (17:15 Hebrew). It is so wrong to misjudge people at the fundamental level of righteousness and wickedness. ADONAI hates seeing the righteous considered or treated as if they are wicked and vice versa. Judging correctly would be especially important in a legal context, and perhaps that background is specifically in mind here. Deuteronomy 25:1 directs judges to judge the righteous as righteous and the wicked as wicked.
Why would a fool wish to pay for wisdom when he has no desire to learn (17:16 CJB). We don’t know where the phrase “pay for wisdom” is literal or figurative language, but the general principle is still clear: fools cannot buy wisdom with money when they have no real desire to learn. I lean toward the figurative interpretation that simply says that any pursuit of wisdom on the part of a fool, who by virtue of being a fool, is therefore unable to acquire it. After all, fools say in their hearts that there is no God (Psalm 14;1 and 53:1); how in the world could they affirm that the beginning of wisdom is the fear of ADONAI (9:10)?347
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need (17:17 NLT). “Either friends or death,” says the Babylonian Talmud (Ta’anit 23a, cited in Telushkin page 181). This was the attitude of the sages during the Babylonian Jewish community (see the commentary on Jeremiah Gu – Seventy Years of Imperial Babylonian Rule). Their opinion reflects a common viewpoint on friendship in ancient times. C. S. Lewis, an expert in literature and the history of ideas, says that, “To the Ancients, friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue” (The Four Loves, page 87). But Lewis laments the fact that friendship is not so celebrated in the modern world. It is important to note that proverbs are not promises; they are generally true principles, all other things being equal.
Think about David and Jonathan, the two men made a covenant of friendship (see the commentary on the Life of David An – David and Y’honatan’s Friendship). The biblical writer says that the soul of Y’honatan was knit to the soul of David, and Y’honatan loved him as he loved himself (1 Samuel 18:1). The name Jonathan means gift from ADONAI, and the prince would certainly prove himself to be that for David. The two would survive the clash of loyalty between a father and a friend. It would overshadow a sense of jealousy over David’s ascent to the throne, even though Jonathan was older than David and the apparent heir to the king.
We mustn’t think that Solomon used the term “friend” in the shallow sense of modern usage. He does not mean a mere acquaintance. A friend (Hebrew: rey’a) is one who sticks even more than a brother would: Some “friends” pretend to be friends, but a true friend sticks closer than a brother (18:24). How many of those we call “friends” would be more faithful to us than family? This is Solomon’s definition of a true friend.
In the case of Jonathan, we see such a friend. David became the object of Sha’ul’s jealousy (see the commentary on the Life of David Ao – Sha’ul’s Jealousy of David). Sha’ul was Jonathan’s father, and he was the king. Jonathan was heir to Sha’ul’s throne. Yet, because of their covenant friendship, Jonathan opposed his own father in order to help David. Not only did he oppose his father, but he even assumed that David, not he himself, would be the next king of Isra’el. When a new king came to power in the ancient world, it was expected that the family and supporters of the previous regime would be put to death. However, Jonathan said to David, you are to show me ADONAI’s kindness not only while I am alive, so that I do not die; but also, after ADONAI has eliminated every one of your enemies from the face of the earth, you are to continue showing kindness to my family forever (First Samuel 20:14-15 CJB). Y’honatan was fully aware that he had renounced his throne in favor of David and the possible implications of that action. The scenario feared by Y’honatan here is exactly what happened later in Second Samuel Chapters 3 and 4, but David would remember his oath to Johnathan by honoring his son (see the commentary on the Life of David Cz – David and Mephiboseth), and by sparing him from death (Second Samuel 21:7). It was the least David could do to fulfill his covenant commitment to his friend Y’honatan.
It is important to realize that we cannot make someone else to befriend us in this way or to love (Greek: agape, meaning unconditional, selfless, and sacrificial love that is given without expecting anything in return) us in this way. Love cannot be demanded. However, we can be that kind of friend to a few select people, people with whom we have a unity of spirit. Certainly our spouse and our children should be such people. If we can be such a one to people outside of our own family, we then will experience a greater blessing.
The circle of influence in everyone’s life has degrees. There are real friends, in the fullest sense of the word. Other than our spouse, few of us had those kinds of friends – the kind who deserve every sacrifice of love we can give them. Then there are brothers and sisters in the congregations of God and a few other friends who have a connection to us that is deeper than mere acquaintance. To these we should be loyal and loving, as Yeshua says: As I have loved you, so you must love one another (John 13:34b). We should not fail to be there for them if they need us. Finally, there are others who are really just acquaintances. To these, and even to strangers, we should show kindness, loving them as we love ourselves (see the commentary on Leviticus Di – Love Your Neighbor as Yourself).348
It’s poor judgment to guarantee another person’s debt or put up security for a friend (17:18 NLT). On a personal note, in 1928 my grandfather owned a thousand-acre farm in the heartland of Indiana. But he foolishly cosigned a loan to help a relative buy a farm. In 1929 the stock market crashed and the Great Depression began, he couldn’t pay on the loan and lost the farm that had been in his family for over a hundred years. This essentially sent my grandparents, and my mother (who was a child at the time) into poverty.
Whoever loves a quarrel loves sin; whoever trusts in high gateways invites disaster (17:19 Hebrew). In the second colon, certain area houses were subject to invasion by marauding bands on horses at any time, and a high gate, or gateway, allowed them to ride into the court area. To prevent this, gateways were built low enough to make it difficult, if not impossible, for a horse and rider to enter. Some went to extremes and built the gateways so low that it was difficult for a person on foot to enter without bending over or even crawling. In contrast, in Persia, a lofty gateway was a sign of royalty, which some of the lesser citizens, out of vanity, imitated as far as they dared. The meaning of the text is that he who has a high gate to his house invites the robber by a show of prosperity and by allowing easy access. Thus, inviting disaster.349
The crooked heart will not prosper; the lying tongue ends up in trouble (17:20 NLT). This proverb parallels heart with tongue, not especially atypical of the book, which recognizes that people’s speech reflects their core personality. Lady Wisdom (see Am – Lady Wisdom’s Rebuke of the Foolish), the personification of ADONAI’s wisdom, has already said: Store my commands in your heart (3:1). And Solomon has added: The wise man’s heart is prudent in his words, and to his lips it adds instruction (16:23). Therefore, the proverb simply observes that the wicked will experience dire consequences.
It’s painful being the parent of a fool; there is no joy for the father of a rebel (17:21 NLT).A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the mother who bore him (17:25 NIV). The parent-child relationship is a major theme in Proverbs, a theme unto itself as well as a theme that touches on many other ideas. Here we see some of the relationship between the issue of wisdom and folly and the topic of family relationships. The actual truths are simple and seemingly self-evident, but the language used to express these truths is rich with meaning. Proverbs 10:1 says that a wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son brings grief to his mother (10:1b). Often, the word is used in the Hebrew Bible for gladness due to victory, reunion with a loved one, and many other causes for elation and celebration. Joy is not just to pleasure someone; it is to create delight, an emotional joy. Such is the feeling that a wise child brings to a parent.
There is craftiness in the contrasting statement that a foolish son grieves a mother. Mothers are known to love even the unlovable, while fathers often are known to be more emotionally unattached. But the wise son brings emotional joy even to a father who is not easily moved. Yet a foolish son grieves a mother who is not easily grieved. To understand the craftiness of this contrast, notice how much less effective the following proverb would have been, “A wise child brings joy to a mother, but a foolish son grieves a father.” Proverbs 17:21 expresses the discontent that a foolish son brings to a parent. In fact, a foolish son creates the exact opposite reaction in a father: no joy. Proverbs 17:25 says that a foolish son brings grief. The verse might literally be translated, “An irritation to his father is a foolish son.” The word for anger or irritation is used in Deuteronomy of Isra’el’s provoking ADONAI to anger (Deuteronomy 4:25, 9:18, 31:29, 32:16). This foolish son is also bitterness to his mother.
The power of a son’s life to affect his parents is overwhelming. Thus, a great deal of emphasis in Torah and in Proverbs is on the process of raising children. Traditionally, the Jewish community has embraced this concept, pushing children to success and to greatness in this world. And this is commendable. Jewish scientists, doctors, lawyers, and intellectuals have filled the pages of history. Yet, this commendable encouragement to greatness falls short of the biblical concept of wisdom, which includes godliness.
A powerful biblical example is Timothy, whose grandmother, Lois, and mother, Eunice, along with Timothy, had received the Gospel of Yeshua from Paul. Paul in Second Timothy 3:15 regarding Timothy, “From childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which can give you the wisdom that leads to deliverance through trusting in Yeshua the Messiah.” Imagine Timothy, at his mother’s feet, being trained of the Scriptures, which they probably heard read aloud in the synagogue. (Timothy’s father was a non-believing Gentile.) This training in righteousness truly made Timothy a joy to his mother and grandmother, and it also prepared him for the message of the Gospel when Paul brought it to his town.
Parents and children can learn from this teaching in Proverbs. If nothing else, will motivate a man or a woman to righteousness and wisdom, perhaps reflection on pain caused to parents will do so. And parents, reflecting on the outcome of their child raising will certainly be motivated to start now in building a legacy of wisdom and not foolishness.350
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones (17:22 Hebrew). One’s psychological condition affects one’s physical condition. In other words, a healthy attitude fosters good health, but a depressed spirit ruins health. The contrasting ideas, describing the two effects, stresses the importance of a joyful heart. The first colon represents the ideal. On the other hand, a broken spirit, one that is depressed or dejected, has an adverse effect on the health of the body. “Bones” figuratively represents the body (encased in a bony frame); fat bones mean a healthy body (3:8, 15:30; and 16:24), but dry bones signify unhealthiness and lifelessness (see the commentary on Ezeki’el Ea – The Valley of the Dry Bones).351
The discerning person focuses on the wisdom that is there before him, but a fool’s eyes wander to the ends of the earth (17:24 CJB). The wise persist in following the path of wisdom. However, fools are distracted, and are unable to fix their attention on anything, so they drift in a sea of uncertainty. Qoheleth, the Teacher of Ecclesiastes, may be responding to the idea behind this proverb when he states: “I was determined to be wise” – but this was beyond me. Whatever exists is far off and most profound – who can discover it (see the commentary on the Life of Solomon Cs – The Search Goes On: Inaccessible Wisdom)?
It’s wrong to fine the righteous for being upright, nor to flog nobles for their righteousness (17:26 Hebrew). If it’s wrong to fine the righteous, then how much more so to flog them! Corporal punishment is more dishonorable and painful than a monetary fine (see the commentary on Deuteronomy Er – Limits for Corporal Punishment). Though nobles could be fools and not deserving of their title (Isaiah 32:5), the parallel “righteousness” shows that the nobles in view here would not compromise their honor and be corrupted by the system. In 17:7 nobles are the opposite of fools. Therefore, the proverb warns the wise not to be a tyrant (First Kings 21:11-13; Matthew 26:3-4; and Acts 4:1-3).352
A knowledgeable person controls his tongue; a discerning person controls his temper (17:27 CJB). The idea of wisdom suggests a person who uses words sparingly and appropriately. This proverb reinforces that axiom. In other words, the wise are in control of themselves. In this way, they regulate how other people will perceive them. By speaking and acting with restraint, the wise are able to reflect on what they are going to say and do. But even fools seem wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem pretty intelligent (17:28 NLT). Connecting the theme of the previous proverb, this verse reiterates the value of speaking only when it counts. Using humor in the first colon, Solomon suggests that the best chance a fool has for being thought of as being intelligent is to avoid speaking altogether.353
Dear heavenly Father, praise Your awesome wisdom, steadfast love and almighty power! Thank You for the friends I have, and thank You for people You have brought into my life that I can befriend. In times of heartache and in times of joy, we need each other so much. Yes, sometimes I am let down by people that I thought were my friends. One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother (18:24). And that Friend is You. I am so lucky to have You as my Friend. Thank You for Your friendship. In Messiah Yeshua’s holy Name and power of His resurrection. Amen
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