About Friends and Friendship
27: 1-22
A proverb is a short and memorable saying designed to be our blueprint for living in the world that ADONAI has created. It is important to note that proverbs are not promises; they are generally true principles, all other things being equal.
First Instructions on Friends and Friendship (27:1-10): Hezekiah’s men copied and compiled 22 proverbs into one literary unit. The word praise forms two bookends, it being the first word in verse 1 and the last word in verse 21. Verse 22 is a janus, a transition saying, looking backward and forward. The unit falls into two balanced halves of ten verses each (verses 1-10 and 11-21). Both haves begin and end with either explicit warnings directed to the son, “you” (verses 1-2 and 10, 11 and 22), and both conclude with an extended proverb. The first half consists of five couplets.507
The first couplet (27:1-2): Don’t boast (Hebrew: halal, meaning to praise) about tomorrow, for you don’t know what the day may bring (27:1 CJB). Warning against bragging unites these two proverbs. The first proverb warns against overconfidence concerning the future. One may think of the bragging done by Ben-hadad, king of Aram, that he would defeat Samaria. At this point the unnamed king of Isra’el (probably Ahab) responds with what looks like a proverb: One who puts on his armor should not boast like one who takes it off (First Kings 20:11). Indeed, thanks to divine intervention, the Israelite army repulsed the army of Aram. Of course, our present proverb extends beyond a military context. Boasting in the future would assume one’s control over the future, and as we have already learned in Proverbs, though one can plan the future, the future is ultimately in the hands of God (to see link click Cn – We Plan, but God Determines Our Steps).
The second proverb also warns against improper boasting, but here it does not concern certainty about the future, but rather one’s character or accomplishments. Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth, a stranger and not your own lips (27:2 CJB). The sages tell their students not to boast about themselves, but rather to let someone else do it. Such teaching shows that the praise of others is something to be desired. In the B’rit Chadashsh, Paul has extensive teaching about boasting, and the most important point that he makes is that God’s people should boast in the Lord. He deflects any praise that might come his way back toward ADONAI (First Corinthians 1:31, Second Corinthians 10:17), just as Jeremiah does (Jeremiah 9:23-24).508
The second couplet (27:3-4): These proverbs are united by their common comments on anger/resentment, though the vocabulary differs between them. Stone is heavy and sand a dead weight, but the resentment caused by a fool is even heavier (27:3 NLT). This implicitly “better-than” proverb shows the heaviness of the resentment of a fool is more than that of stone and sand. Even today we talk about a “heavy mood” when feeling oppressed. We even talk about how a mood “weighs heavily” on people and those around them. The lesson of Solomon to his son is this: Stay far away from fools because they aim to seduce you to join them (see Al – Bad Company Corrupts Good Character).509
Anger is cruel and wrath is like a flood, but jealousy is even more dangerous (27:4 NLT). Anger can be violent, but jealousy is worse. Here’s why. Anger at its best is reacting against something that is right and good. If you wrong someone they might forgive you. But if you’re better than someone they might never forgive you. Jealousy is that bad. Cain did not murder Abel because his brother had wronged him: Why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brothers righteous. Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you (First John 3:12-13). The Bible says it was out of envy that the enemies of Messiah passed him over to the Romans to be crucified (Matthew 27:18). And the early Church was persecuted because of jealousy (see the commentary on Acts Au – The Apostles are Persecuted). Who can stand before jealousy? It will keep coming after you relentlessly, until you come down to its level. If you refuse to knuckle under, it will punish you – and blame you for all of it. This is one of the reasons we admire Paul so much. When he was put in prison and had to cancel his preaching plans, other preachers in the early Church were glad. With Paul out of the way, they finally got the limelight. Was Paul jealous or resentful? No. He was happy, because Messiah was being preached, even out of bad motives (see the commentary on Philippians An – Proclaiming Messiah Out of Jealousy). When Yeshua, not self, is who matters most to us, that frees us to be happy even when we are shoved aside, overlooked, or passed over.510
The third couplet (27:5-6): Dealing with the mystery of friendship and correction, this proverb is very helpful. It compares open rebuke on the one hand, and hidden love on the other. Better is open rebuke than hidden love (27:5 CJB). What is going on here is that Solomon has done some thinking behind the scenes that is not apparent on the surface. The terms are alike yet opposite. Open is the opposite of hidden. Rebuke is similar to love, if you understand that people who love each other correct each other. To those who have not thought this through, an open rebuke seems like a bad thing. On the other hand, hidden love sounds like a good thing though not as good as open love. In reality, however, an open rebuke is giving something beneficial and hidden love is withholding something beneficial.
Thus, properly understood, the two terms are really opposite. It is better to give something beneficial, even if it hurts, than to withhold something beneficial, even if it’s sweet. Thus, Solomon can also say: Trustworthy are the bruises caused by the wounding of one who loves you; deceitful is the flattery of one who hates you (27:6 Hebrew). There is a relationship between love and rebuke (correction). But it’s important to realize that not only does friendship involve rebuke, but also that flattery can be the action of an enemy. An enemy’s kisses are insincere. We judge a compliment of a criticism by the relationship we have to the speaker. An enemy’s compliments are usually insincere, but a friend’s rebuke is motivated by love. Here is the key to successfully being able to correct those whom we love: getting them to trust that we love them and desire their best interest.
Being willing to correct others, especially with love, is not easy. People tend to resent correction. But if we befriend someone and demonstrate our commitment to them, they are more likely to hear us. In other words, we have earned the right to be heard. Also, if we learn to speak with gentleness and grace, we are more likely to be heard. In the end, people appreciate frankness far more than flattery (28:23). If we keep on loving someone, that person will eventually see that we are more valuable to them than others who just want to tell them what they want to hear.
In fact, just as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another (27:17). The type of relationship with others in which there is mutual accountability, in which there is freedom for loving correction, is greatly desired. A file made from lead would never be used to sharpen an iron blade. So, too, it is difficult for a person to accept correction from people who are not well known or trusted. Truthfully, we ought to receive and think about correction. But there is a special relationship, iron sharpening iron – that gives us a regular source of correction.511
The fourth couplet (27:7-8): A person who is full refuses honey (27:7a NLT). In the book of Proverbs, the right course of action or saying the right thing depends on circumstances, or timing. Honey is a delicacy, sweet to the taste and providing all kinds of energy. However, for those who are full, it may cause vomiting (25:16). But even bitter food tastes sweet to the hungry (27:7b NLT). On the other hand, anything tastes good to someone who is hungry. Something naturally sweet like honey is spurned by someone with a full stomach; yet even something sour tastes sweet (like honey) to someone whose stomach is empty. The message articulated by this proverb is that it is important to know the situation.
Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home (27:8 ESV). This comparative proverb likens a man who willingly flees his home to a fluttering bird that flies away from the security of its nest. This is compared to a man leaving his home. Cut off from the security of his family he opened himself up to danger. The proverb is thus a warning to those who might think that “the grass is greener on the other side of the fence,” and be grateful for what they have.512
The fifth couplet (27:9-10): Both of these proverbs praise friendship and encourage the cultivation of deep and loyal friendships. Oil and perfume make the heart glad, so a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend (27:9a Hebrew). The first proverb begins by talking about two expensive luxuries that make people very happy. But the second colon celebrates the sweetness of friendship over one’s own advice. The second of the pair turns from the friend’s counsel to his support. The proverb envisions a situation where the son suffers sudden destruction and he asks for the help of a trusted friend of the family rather than a blood relative (27:10b). Such a friend is indispensable at those times. Never abandon a friend – either yours or your father’s. When disaster strikes, you won’t have to ask your brother for assistance. Such a friend is better in a crisis than a relative who is far off (18:24). It’s better to go to a neighbor than to a brother who lives far away (27:10 NLT).
Second Instructions of Friends and Friendship (27:11-21): The unit falls into two balanced halves of ten verses each (verses 1-10 and 11-21). The second half begins with a proverb pair that pertains to education. Be wise, my son (verse 11) is followed by an implied warning to be prudent, not gullible (verse 12). Both haves begin and end with either explicit or explicit warnings directed to the son, “you” (verses 1-2 and 10, 11 and 22), and both conclude with an extended proverb.
Be wise, my son, and make my heart glad. Then I will be able to answer my critics (27:11 NLT). The teaching of the father to his son reminds us of the dynamic of Chapters 1-9 (see Aj – Proverbs to the Youth). The same is true for the nature of the advice, which is a general call to seek wisdom. The motivation given for the son to seek wisdom is the benefit that comes to his parents. They are happy because they have an answer to any criticism of their son’s reputation. If the son pursues wisdom and not foolishness, then the father’s critics won’t have any basis for their verbal attacks on the family (10:1). The second proverb of the pair implicitly defines “being wise” in verse 11 as being prudent and not gullible. The prudent person (1:4a) foresees danger and takes precautions; the gullible blindly goes on and suffers the consequences (27:12 Hebrew). The difference between the prudent and the gullible is based on their ability to navigate life, which really gets at the heart of wisdom. It’s easy to take precautions if you see danger coming. The prudent have that sense, and this allows them to work around the problems. On the other hand, the gullible just plunge ahead and suffer the consequences of their foolish actions. This proverb repeats 22:3 with only minor variations.
Get security from someone who guarantees a stranger’s debt. Get a deposit if he does it for foreigners (27:13 NLT). This verse essentially repeats 20:16.
Whoever greets his neighbor in a loud voice at dawn might just as well have cursed him (27:14 Hebrew). This proverb picks up the file’s key word neighbor, but now within the context of a “bad neighbor.” The flamboyant manner in which he rises at the crack of dawn to pronounce a “blessing” on his neighbor is deceitful. His unnatural voice and timing betray him as a hypocrite. The neighbor will not be fooled and will regard the act as a curse, not a “blessing.” Instead of receiving the phony “blessing,” he will curse the hypocrite. The innocent neighbor, however, has nothing to fear, for an undeserved curse will not land (26:2). Real friendship is expressed in actions and truth, not in flashy words. Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions (First John 3:18 NLT).513
A nagging wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. The language of verse 15 is similar to 19:13b, which proclaims that a nagging wife is like dripping water that just won’t quit (19:13). Here the language of 19:13b is divided into two parts and distributed in the two colas of the verse, and the dripping is placed into the context of a rainy day. The metaphor highlights just how annoying and depressing a nagging wife can be. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop a storm or trying to hold something with greased hands (27:15-16 NLT). The home should have provided her and her husband shelter from the storm, but, ironically, she brings the storm, and chaos, into it.
Just as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another (27:17 Hebrew). The topic shifts from false “friendship” back to true friendship. This proverb is one of the best-known and often-quoted verses in the book. It is often exclusively cited in connection with male friendship, but there is really no reason to think it does not also apply to women. The rubbing of iron against iron produces a sharp edge, so the only real question has to do with what sharpening a person implies. It means that friends help each other prepare for the ups and downs of life. In the context of the book of Proverbs, this means instruction in matters of wisdom, which would help a person navigate successfully. It would certainly include receiving and giving correction to foolish behavior and speech. In this way, the friends could avoid making the same mistake in the future.
As workers who tend a fig tree are allowed to eat the fruit, so workers who protect their employer’s interest will be rewarded (27:18 NLT). This proverb encourages the wise to take good care of those who employ them for their professional services. It pivots on the use of fruit for consequences or rewards. Just as those who tend (or possibly protect) a fig tree will have the benefit of its fruit, so will those who take care of their employer’s interest will also be rewarded.514
As a face is reflected in water like a mirror, so that heart reflects the real person (27:19 NLT). On the one hand, your heart reveals the real you – what you really are, not what others think or what circumstances force you to be. Your heart determines why you say the things you say, feel the way you feel, and do the things you do. Another word for heart is passion. There are certain things you feel passionate about and others you couldn’t care less. Some experiences turn you on and capture your attention while others turn you off or bore you to tears. These reveal the nature of your heart. On the other hand, the heart reveals you to others. So, it is not so much self-revelation, but rather revelation to others.515
Sh’ol and Abaddon are never satisfied, and neither are human eyes (27:20 Hebrew). Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but a person is tested by [his reaction] to being praised (27:21 NLT). Praise is dangerous because it can produce pride. Praise is often flattery, and at other times it may simply be courtesy or for encouragement. Because of his insecurity, a person can also take praise to be an affirmation of his own importance. The Torah warns against pride since that often results in forgetting about ADONAI (Deuteronomy 8:14).516
Janus (27:22): This verse is a janus, named after the Roman god of endings and beginnings, symbolized by having two faces – one looking back toward the past and one looking forward toward the future. Looking back, you can’t do much with foolish people. You cannot separate fools from their foolishness, even though you grind them like grain with mortar (a vessel in which substances are crushed or ground with a pestle) (27:22 NLT). Looking forward, caring for flocks and herds (see Dn – Caring for Flocks and Herds) is the wise thing to do.
Dear heavenly Father, praise You for being the very best friend and Father that ever could be! Bragging about something that we do is foolish, for our achievements are only temporary and very minimal compared to Your greatness. For Hannah, with a grateful heart, boasted in You, for You are all-knowing and wise. You see the intentions of the heart (First Samuel 16:7) and weigh the attitude behind why deeds are done. Then Hannah prayed and said, “My heart exults in ADONAI, my horn is lifted high in ADONAI. I smile wide over my enemies, for I rejoice in Your salvation. Friends are also important. How wonderful to have such a wise and understanding friend as You dear God, for You are full of lovingkindness, and judge with righteousness. But let one who boasts boast in this: that he understands and knows Me. For I am ADONAI who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth. For in these things I delight.” It is a declaration of ADONAI (Jeremiah 9:23-24). Your righteousness is like the mountains of God. Your judgments are like the great deep. You preserve man and beast, ADONAI. How precious is Your love, O God (Psalms 36:6-7a)! Thank You for always being such a loving and caring heavenly Father. It is a joy to boast about You and praise You. In Messiah Yeshua’s holy Name and power of His resurrection. Amen
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