Bf – To Marry or Not to Marry 7: 1-9

To Marry or Not to Marry
7: 1-9

To marry or not to marry DIG: What were the circumstances in Corinth at the time Paul wrote? Why are those circumstances so important to understanding almost everything that he wrote in this chapter? What did Paul advise for unmarried believers? Why should married couples maintain a sexual relationship? What does the issue of celibacy especially impact the contemporary Messianic community? What are the advantages of remaining single?

REFLECT: Have you seen baby believers (perhaps yourself at one time) make crazy changes in their lives based on their new-found “freedom” in Messiah? What problems can that cause, which could have been avoided by applying Paul’s principles here? When is pursuing a change in circumstances appropriate? How do you view single people? With compassion? With sympathy? With disappointment? With awe? What gift has ADONAI given to you?

Apparently believers in Corinth asked if celibacy within marriage was appropriate.

As with their many other problems, much of their marital trouble in the church at Corinth reflected the pagan and morally corrupt society in which they lived. As has been said many times, the problem wasn’t that the church was in Corinth, the problem was that Corinth was in the church. Their society tolerated sex outside of marriage, adultery, homosexuality and polygamy. Nevertheless, ADONAI saved a number of Corinthians out of that lifestyle of sexual impurity. Sadly, some had dragged their past sins into the church.

Celibacy is good (7:1): Now to deal with the questions you wrote about: “Is it good for a man not to touch a woman (7:1 NASB)?” To touch a woman was a common Jewish euphemism for sexual intercourse. The phrase is used in that sense in passages such as Genesis 20:6; Ruth 2:9 and Proverbs 6:28-29. In other words, Paul was saying, “It is a good thing for believers to be single and not married.” He does not say, however, that singleness is the only good condition, or that marriage is in any way wrong or inferior to singleness. He says only that singleness, as long as it is celibate, can be good.

ADONAI Himself declared at creation that it isn’t good for the man to be alone. I will make for him a companion suitable for helping him (Genesis 2:18). Everyone needs companionship and God ordained marriage to be, among other things, the most fulfilling and common means of companionship. YHVH allowed for singleness and did not require marriage for everyone in the Dispensation of Torah; however, Jewish tradition not only looked on marriage as the ideal state, but looked on singleness as disobedience of the LORD’s command to be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth (Genesis 1:28 NASB).

It is possible that, as a result of this, some of the Jewish believers in Corinth were pressuring single Gentile believers to become married. Some of the Gentiles, on the other hand, perhaps because of past experiences they had had, were inclined to remain single. As the Jews had done with marriage, those Gentiles, reacting to the sexual nature of their past, come to look on celibacy not only as the ideal state but the only truly godly state as well. Paul acknowledges that singleness is good and honorable. But he does not support the claim that it is a more spiritual state, or that it is more acceptable to God than marriage.¹⁷⁹

Celibacy is tempting (7:2): Well, because of the danger of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and each woman her own husband (7:2). This did not mean that every Corinthian believer was immoral, although many of them were. Paul was speaking of the danger of sexual immorality for those who were single. Sexual temptation goes beyond physical desire; there is a spiritual component to it. Satan understands how powerful the urge to impurity can be, and he exploits it as a human weakness.¹⁸⁰ Because of the immoral society in which they lived, where sexual liberty was feely practiced and glorified, it would be a great temptation for single believers, as it is today.

However, marriage cannot simply be reduced as God’s escape valve for sex drive. Paul does not suggest that believers should go out and find another believer to marry only to keep from getting into moral sin. He had a much higher view of marriage than that (Ephesians 5:22-23). His purpose here was to stress the reality of the sexual temptations of singleness and to acknowledge that they had a legitimate outlet in marriage. Although celibacy is good, it’s not superior to marriage, and it has dangers and temptations that marriage doesn’t have.¹⁸¹

Dear Heavenly Father, Marriage is often thought of as The place to find love, but Your love for Your children is the best. See how glorious a love the Father has given us, that we should be called God’s children – and so we are (First John 3:1)! How awesome that Your perfect love is always with Your children. For God Himself has said: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). It is so wonderful to know that when we run to You for help – You know all about the situation before we say a word about it, and You are mighty to work it all out. You are familiar with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, ADONAI, You know all about it (Psalms 139:3b-4). Praise You for Your great love that surpasses knowledge. May You have strength to grasp with all the kedoshim what is the width and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Messiah which surpasses knowledge (Ephesians 3:18-19).

Everyone longs for deep love and often looks to marriage to find love, but it is Your love that is so deep and long-lasting. For your Maker is your husband – ADONAI-Tzva’ot is His Name -the Holy One of Isra’el is your Redeemer. He will be called God of all the earth (Isaiah 54:5). How wonderful that Your love is not a long distance away, but You live within all who love You. Yeshua answered and said to him: If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word. My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our dwelling with him (John 14:23). No matter how good the earthly marriage is – Your love is so much better and deeper and richer than any human marriage ever could be. Thank You for Your wonderful eternal love! In Yeshua’s holy name and power of His resurrection. Amen

Celibacy is wrong for people who are married (7:3-5): Evidently, some of the Corinthians were practicing celibacy within their marriage and had asked if it was appropriate, to which Paul responded with an emphatic, “No! Celibacy is not more spiritual than marriage.” Extremes spawn extremes, so where extreme excess flourishes, one often finds extreme self-denial as a reaction. Paul warned his readers that the husband should give his wife what she is entitled to in the marriage relationship, and the wife should do the same for her husband (7:3). Paul made it clear that physical relations within marriage are not simply a privilege and a pleasure, but a responsibility. Husbands and wives have a duty to give sexual satisfaction to each other, lest the Adversary take advantage of their human weakness. There is no distinction between men and women. The husband has no more rights in this regard than the wife.

Then Paul reinforces the mutuality of the obligation. The wife is not in charge of her own body, but her husband is; likewise, the husband is not in charge of his own body, but his wife is. One aspect of selfless love that makes for a good marriage involves one marriage partner giving more of himself or herself sexually to his or her mate in recognition of, and with a desire to meet, those needs. When a husband or wife willingly deprives his or her spouse of having that need met, he or she opens the other up to satanic temptation. Thus: Do not deprive each other, except for a limited time, by mutual agreement, and then only so as to have extra time for prayer; but afterwards, come together again. Otherwise, because of your lack of self-control, you may succumb to the Adversary’s temptation (7:4-5).¹⁸² The length of time for physical separation and the specific need and purpose of the prayer should be agreed on in advance.

Celibacy is a gift (7:6-7): Commenting on what he had just said, Paul continues: I am giving you this as a suggestion (Greek: sungnome, meaning to think the same as someone, to have a joint opinion, a common mind or understanding), not as a command (7:6). This refers back to what he had been saying up to this point. Paul was aware of the goodness of being single and celibate, yet also aware of the privileges and responsibilities of marriage. His comments were not meant as a command for every believer to be married. Marriage was instituted by God and is the norm for man-woman relationships, and it is a great blessing to mankind. But it is not required for believers or for anyone else. His point was, and is: If you are single that is good, and if you are married or get married, stay married and retain normal marital relations, for that is for God. Spirituality is not determined by marital status.¹⁸³

Actually, I wish everyone were like me (7:7a). It’s as if Paul was saying, “I wish that everyone were as little distracted by wayward sexual impulses as I am. Then they would have self-control and would be able to devote themselves fully to the Lord’s work with undivided attention. However, I realize that such a tendency cannot be willed into being, but is a gift from God, which is not given to everyone.¹⁸⁴

This chapter makes it clear that Paul was not married at the time he wrote this letter, but we know that he had been married at some point (8:7). Jewish men were required to be married and bear children (Mishnah, Yevamot 6:6). Within the Jewish theological tradition, it can be easily seen how celibacy was greatly frowned upon. Rabbi Eleazar said, “Any man who has no wife is not a proper man” (Talmud, Yevamot 63a), while Raba Ishmael taught that God watches a man to see when he will marry; then “As soon as one attains twenty and has not married, He exclaims, “Blasted be his bones” (Talmud, Kiddushin 29b).

But those who have not received the gift of singleness should not try to remain unmarried. Each has his own gift from God, one this, another that (7:7b). Our purpose should be to discover the gifts that ADONAI has given us and to use those gifts faithfully and joyfully in His service, without either envying or finding fault with the gifts we do not have. Celibacy, just as much as marriage, is a gift from God.¹⁸⁵

Celibacy among contemporary Messianic congregations: On the whole, today’s Messianic people – with various roots in both Judaism and evangelical Protestant Christianity – do not know what to do with the large number of young men and women in their twenties, thirties, and forties, who are unmarried, often for legitimate reasons beyond their control. Many, for whatever reason, will either subconsciously or even consciously, mix spiritual maturity and marital status in their minds – meaning that the ideal spiritual setting for someone is being married with several children. When a young man or woman approaches his or her late twenties unmarried, then it is often thought that such an individual is probably spiritually deficient, and likely also selfish and self-serving.

In a relatively new and small faith community such as the Messianic movement, we should recognize that with our size being what it is, that it will be difficult for many young men and women to find a suitable spouse – at least for an extended season. Rather than shunning such people as being spiritually immature or unfit for service within the Kingdom of God, a review of the legitimate and blessed biblical option of celibacy, should be in order.¹⁸⁶

Celibacy is not for everyone (7:8-9): Apparently, some of the Corinthians who had been married and divorced before being saved were asking if they could remarry. No doubt this was a key question in the Corinthian church. Paul’s response here is uniquely crafted for those who wanted to know their options. Now to the single people (Greek: agamos, meaning married with a negative prefix a) and the widows (Greek: chera) I say that it is fine if they remain unmarried like me (7:8). By that statement Paul affirms that he had formerly been married because marriage was required for membership in the Great Sanhedrin (Acts 26:10). He was probably a widower. The point is that those who were single when saved should know that it was good for them to stay that way. There was no need to rush into marriage.

One of the most beautiful stories associated with Yeshua’s birth and infancy is that of Anna (see the commentary on The Life of Christ Au – Jesus Presented in the Temple). When Joseph and Mary brought the baby Yeshua to the Temple to present Him to ADONAI and to offer a sacrifice, the prophetess Anna recognized Yeshua as the Messiah. Much as Simeon had done a short while before. Her husband had lived only seven years after their marriage, and she had remained a widow ever since. At the age of 84 she was still faithfully serving Ha’Shem night and day in His Temple. She did not look on her lot in life as inferior and certainly not as meaningless. She had the gift of singleness and used it joyfully for YHVH.

But if they can’t exercise self-control, they should get married (Greek: gamesatosan, in the aorist imperative, indicating a strong command). A person cannot live a happy life, much less serve the Lord, if he or she is continually burning with sexual desire – even if it never results in actual immorality. And in a society such as Corinth’s, or ours, in which immorality is so prevalent and accepted, it is especially difficult not to fall into temptation. I believe that once a couple decides to get married, they should do it fairly soon. In the day of lowered standards, free expression, and constant suggestiveness, it’s extremely difficult to stay sexually pure. So, it is better to get married than to keep burning with sexual desire (7:9). The practical problems of arranging for an early marriage are not nearly as serious as the danger of starting a marriage with immorality.

Deciding about marriage is obviously more difficult for the person who had strong sexual desires, but who has no immediate prospect for a husband or wife. It is never, I repeat, NEVER, God’s will for believers to marry unbelievers (see the commentary on Second Corinthians Bh – Do Not be Unequally Yoked with Unbelievers), but neither is it right to just marry the first believer who will say yes. Although we very much want to be married, we should be careful. Strong feelings of any sort tend to dull judgment and make one vulnerable and careless.

There are several things the believers in this dilemma should do:

First, they should not simply seek to be married, but should seek a person they can love, trust, and respect, letting marriage come as a response to that commitment of love. People who simply want to get married for the sake of getting married run a great risk of marrying the wrong person. If possible, marry your best friend. Believe me, you will need that friendship, trust and commitment when the hard times come. And they will.

Secondly, it’s fine and normal to be on the lookout for the “right person,” but the best way to find the right person is to be the right person. If believers are right with God and it is His will for them to be married, He will send the right person – and never to late. One caution, the Adversary will oftentimes send his “best” before the Lord sends His “best.” You must rely on the Ruach Ha’Kodesh for wisdom and discernment because the Adversary himself masquerades as an angel of light (Second Corinthians 11:14).

Thirdly, until the right person is found, our energy should be directed in ways that will be the most helpful in keeping our minds off temptation. Two of the best ways are using your spiritual gifts to serve the Lord, and physical exercise. We should avoid listening to, looking at, or being touched by anything that is tempting. Program your mind to focus only on what is good and helpful. We should take special care to follow Paul’s instruction to the Philippians, “In conclusion, brothers, focus your thoughts on what is true, noble, righteous, pure, lovable or admirable, on some virtue or on something praiseworthy” (Philippians 4:8).

Fourthly, we should recognize that, until God gives us the right person, He will provide the strength to resist temptation. No temptation has seized you beyond what people normally experience, and God can be trusted not to allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear. On the contrary, along with the temptation He will also provide the way out, so that you will be able to endure (10:13).¹⁸⁷

Fifthly, and most importantly, pray you would be filled with the Ruach Ha’Kodesh, and ask for wisdom and guidance every day.