Bp – Honor Your Parents 5: 16

Honor Your Parents
5: 16

Honor your parents DIG: How does this fifth mitzvah transition from the fourth mitzvah? Just what does it mean to honor your father and your mother? What is our greatest example of honoring our parents? What does the book of Proverbs have to say about honoring your parents? How do the blessings and the sins of the parents have an impact on the following generations?

REFLECT: Have I shown disrespect for my parents, or withheld my care for them? Have I been unable to appreciate them as gifts from God and refuse to consider their viewpoints as valid? What can you do if you have been deeply hurt by your parents? Do I exasperate my children? Am I raising them in the training and instruction of ADONAI?

As with all these mitzvot, this exhortation for the Israelites to respect their parents would have included children.

Honor your father and your mother just as ADONAI your God commanded you, so that your days may be long and it may go well with you in the land of ADONAI your God is giving you (Deuteronomy 5:16). The sequence of thought from the fourth mitzvah to the fifth is clearly from society as a whole to the family that forms the basic unit of society. The close link between the two mitzvot is also seen by their pairing in Leviticus 19:3. Just as the fourth mitzvah does not merely describe a cultic taboo day, but governed Isra’el’s social and economic life as a whole society under God, so here, the fifth mitzvah forms part of the structure and fabric of Isra’el’s covenantal relationship with ADONAI and is not merely a recipe for happy families.¹⁶³

Honor your father and your mother, so you may live long in the Land ADONAI your God is giving you (Exodus 20:12).

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first mitzvah with a promise, “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:1-4).

As far as Isra’el was concerned, the fifth mitzvah had a promise of longevity that referred to the nation as a whole. Instead of meaning a long life for each individual Israelite, it meant that the nation itself would live long in the land of Canaan if they honored their fathers and mothers. On the other hand, cursing one’s parents, the same as rejecting their authority, was a capital offense. ADONAI commanded: Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother, and his blood will be on his own head (Leviticus 20:9 and Proverbs 20:20).

The Scriptures direct every child to honor his or her father and mother. But just what does it mean to honor your father and your mother? The Hebrew word honor literally means to be heavy, weighty, to honor. Today we would say that his or her words “Carry a lot of weight.” Someone whose words are weighty is someone worthy of honor and respect. However, we can learn even more about what it means to honor someone by looking at its opposite in the Scriptures. The literal meaning of the word curse is to make light of, of little weight, to dishonor. We would say their words “Carry very little weight.” Therefore, when Ha’Shem commands us to honor our parents, He is telling us that they are worthy of high value and respect.¹⁶⁴ We don’t have to agree with our parents to honor them.

Our greatest example is Messiah Himself. Even though God the Father would wake God the Son, morning by morning and teach Him that He was destined to go to the cross (Isaiah 50:4-7), Jesus was still obedient to His earthly parents (see the commentary on The Life of Christ, to see link click Bb – Jesus Grew in Wisdom and Stature, and in Favor with God and Other People). Imagine that, the sinless God of the universe honoring His earthly parents! One of the ways that we are conformed into the likeness of Messiah (Romans 8:29) is by honoring our parents.

Dear Heavenly Father, Praise You for being the best father that there ever could be! It is so peaceful and full of joy to spend time to meditate on Your characteristics (Psalms 63:6-7), holiness (Leviticus 11:45), love (Psalms 63:6, 103:17; First John 4:16), compassion (Psalms 103:13), kindness (Romans 2:4; Titus 3:4), righteousness (Psalms 103:13), greatness (Psalms 104:1), power ( Psalms 29:4,66:3; Matthew 24:30, 26:64; Luke 1:37), infinite understanding (Psalms 147:5), lives in our hearts by His Spirit (Romans 5:5; Galatians 4:6; First John 4:8-15), never leaves His child (Hebrews 13:5) and has a home of perfect peace and great joy in heaven (Revelation 21:4) that Yeshua is preparing (John 14:1-3) for all who love and follow Him as Lord and Savior (Romans 10:9-10). We love You and desire to follow You in all we do and say, including honoring our parents. In the holy name of Your Son and His power of resurrection. Amen

Without a doubt, there are some parents whose insensitivity and unloving actions have hurt their children deeply. What if you had a father or a mother who was physically or psychologically abusive? What about the parent who has chosen to be a friend of the world and therefore become an enemy of God (James 4:4)? That parent loves everything that God hates. How can you honor that parent? I know that from a human perspective some mothers and fathers don’t appear to deserve honor. I am not saying their actions were not hurtful, nor am I rationalizing the negative effects they may have caused over the years. And if you are in physical danger, of course you need to get to a safe place away from them. You don’t have to subject yourself to abuse. However, I am saying that the only way to be free from the hurt is to honor them. Because every time we lower their value and cut them down, we’re dishonoring a part of ourselves. So, if you are in that situation, what can you do? You can make an unconditional decision to treat them (or their memory) as a valuable treasure, and granting them a position of respect and honor in your life. I am not saying this is always easy, but the alternative isn’t very good either. In that way you can stop chasing past hurts and be at peace in the present.

Besides the fifth mitzvah, the book of Proverbs has much to say about honoring our parents. We honor our parents when we listen carefully to their godly counsel (Proverbs 1:8, 2:1, 4:1, 5:1, 9:8, 10:1, 13:1 and 15:5). We honor our parents when they see us acting wisely (Proverbs 27:11). Praising our parents brings light to our lives, but cursing them will snuff out our lamp (Proverbs 20:20). We dishonor our parents and bring grief to them when we act foolishly (Proverbs 17:25). Involvement in immoral relationships not only affects us, but also causes our parents to grieve (Proverbs 5:1-23, 31:3). Being prideful, critical and judgmental dishonors our parents (Proverbs 30:12-17).¹⁶⁵

What happens if a parent has died and you cannot speak face to face? The memory of an absent father or mother can be just as vivid as real life. We carry those mental pictures around with us all our lives. Some people loved their parents deeply but never told them so. Others struggle with a painful past and have horrible feelings and memories of them. May I suggest that you write a letter to that person and share your feelings as if he or she were with you in person. Or if writing a letter is too difficult, make a recording that you can play back and listen to. Love the sinner, hate the sin. You can still be completely honest, and yet not sin with your words.¹⁶⁶

Paul broadened the mitzvah to include both children and parents. This mitzvah deals with the consequences of family behavior. Families are a part of God’s plan. No one is an island and God makes a home for the lonely when He places us in families (Psalm 68:6 NASB). The nature of human life is that each generation begins where the previous generation places it. That’s not some ancient, religious code. That’s an indisputable fact of history. This means that both the blessings and the sins of the parents have an impact on the following generations. This is true genetically, physically, socially, psychologically and spiritually. Each generation starts where the previous generation leaves off. And because this is the nature of humanity, we need a mitzvah to guide us.¹⁶⁷